Back to the Future (also: Out with the Old, In with the New)

I’ve been in the U.S., rediscovering my past.

First, I went to New York City to pick up some things, sell my furniture, and to say goodbye – to my old “home,” to HIM, and to my old life.  It was strange being back.  Nothing had changed except there were more hipsters populating my old neighborhood.  But people were still rushing about, trying to get somewhere.  The air was refreshing (a cool 70 degrees), and there was that good ol’ NY tension in the air.  A little brisk, to be sure.  I experienced a bit of culture shock too.  No one came to my rescue to help me with my heavy bag.  The buildings were so large, and there were so many stimuli.  It was overwhelming being back.  But I came to a realization: my place is in the D.R.  Everything was the same, but I had changed, and I felt that I didn’t quite belong there.

It was definitely hard being back in NYC.  I learned I had to let go of love.  Just let it go.  Sasha had moved on and he's looking forward to a new chapter in his life.  I have my very own life in the DR now, one that I have created tabula-rasa style.  Our past together is just that - our past.  The present and the future beckon me.  But first, I needed closure with him and the life I so hastily left behind.  I got just that.

After New York, I flew to Florida for my ten-year high school reunion.  I saw a lot of vaguely familiar faces, and we each gave a synopsis of the past ten years of our lives.  I explained to people, "I'm in the Peace Corps."  Then, I would get an "awesome!" in response and that was it... Or people already knew what I was doing (and ditto for me) because of Facebook.  My favorite part of the reunion was spending quality time with my best friends.

So now that I’ve spent time going back to the past, I’ve been considering my future lately.  Grad school?  A government job?  Backpacking abroad?  I really don’t know.  I want to start a family, of that I’m sure, but that will be several years down the road.

All I know now is that I have eleven months left, and I’m going to spend them getting to know myself.  I’m finally alone, without any attachments.  And this will be the only time I’ll have to figure out what it means to be alone.

I spent a few hours having dinner with a good friend the other night.  I hadn’t seen her in years, and we were talking about spirituality.  Surprisingly, we became so engrossed in the conversation that the hours just melted away.  She told me about the service she did in Israel at a religious pilgrimage welcome center.  She said she arrived to Israel with a big hole in her heart, a hole that had been bored by recent heartbreak, stress, uncertainty and other external factors.  And it was in her service, serving humanity, where she found God.  Finally, she said, the hole has been filled, and for the first time in years, she feels whole.  I found that prospect inspiring.

Serving, being a good person, aspiring to be greater, and appreciating beauty are all steps to finding God.  I think I want to spend the second part of my service getting to know myself and working on my relationship with God.  Perhaps part of the search for spirituality starts with me and my own self-discovery.

So very soon, I will be going back to the island, ready to move on.  Alone.  Alone with God.

And now....
Some pics from yesterday and today.

  9th grade, 1997

10th grade, 1998

11th grade, 1999

 12th grade, 2000

Today, 2010

BFF's, 2010