Low

It is inevitable – the low point. 

It’s late August, in the Caribbean.  The heat is unbearable.  It seems to take great energy to walk outside.  And then by the time I make it to work, I’m drenched in sweat, my eyes burning from the bright sun.

Everything irritates me now – the daily blackouts (can’t use my fan when the electricity isn’t working!), the short periods of running water, taking cold bucket baths, the lack of refrigeration, the struggle just to get anywhere, speaking Spanish (why can’t people try to understand my language for once?!), my town’s expectations of me, my feelings of guilt that I’m not doing enough, the general lack of motivation.  I find myself daydreaming about going home, about New York City, wandering the streets, seeing a good movie, eating chocolate cupcakes, closing myself up in my air-conditioned apartment.  I guess I’m getting that “itch” because a group of Volunteers are preparing for their end of service in October.  They’re talking excitedly about their plans afterward – traveling, job searching, moving to different cities, grad school.  I find myself feeling impatient, counting down the months and days I have left – 8 months, 20 days to be exact.

I have a lot going on… maybe too much.  My head is spinning with Peace Corps and personal projects.  But I’m lacking a little inspiration.  I’m feeling sluggish.  It has been hard getting out of bed every morning.  Maybe it’s because the heat has zapped my energy.  I wake up sweaty and disappointed that my fan isn’t spinning.

I need to clear my head, make a plan.  But where to start?  I’m praying for a cool breeze to reenergize me.