March 26, 2009
Am I really here? Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe… My life right now is so surreal. Everyday is a strange challenge. Even communicating simple ideas require a bit of finesse. I’m rather idealistic now, but in reality I’m a little afraid of what is to come… I want to do some good, really help. And will I be up to it? Will I have the guts to really go deep? Everyday is uncertain.
I find myself listening to music, contemplating past experiences in order to find answers. I have a lot to discover about myself while I’m here. It’s hard being with myself at times, but I guess now I am my own best friend. I will have to get myself through this, through that. I will have to fight for myself. Care for myself. Challenge, encourage, cheer, pick up, carry, hug, console myself. But what’s so beautiful is that I will learn to love myself.
What I’m doing right now is so profound I can’t explain it. My past life seems so distant. I can’t remember what I used to do. Was it really all that important? Now is the time. And I am right HERE. I don’t think I’ve ever been so present in the present than I am right now.
Yet, I do lose myself at times… I just space out and lose time. I don’t know where I’m going exactly, but I think subconsciously I’m having a realization. This is right. This is my calling. This is me.
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